~~~~
2005
I woke up in a hospital, gazing at the white ceiling overhead. They told me the previous night that Jasper had been dead and I was responsible. I couldn’t remember anything from that night, all I knew was moments before we entered the car Jasper was spitting mad and ready to kill, the case of beer we down didn’t help us at all.
“Edward” turning my head I saw Jasper father and younger sister, Bella and Carlisle, standing beside my hospital bed. with his hand on Bella shoulder, Carlisle stood over me his eyes filled with rage and grief.
“Is it true Edward? Did you kill Jazz?” she asked tearfully. I really couldn’t understand anything. Everything came in small flash backs, me falling asleep behind the wheel, pissy drunk as usual before the front of the car was wrapped around a pole. I was ejected in to the grassy knoll but Jasper was not so lucky.
“I don’t know Bella.” I answered honestly.
“They say it’s your fault, is it true?” I watched as she closed her eyes tightly, pressed her lips together and tried not to let tears fall. She was always such a brave little girl, she seemed shy but her strength showed threw her chocolate eyes.
“I think it is Bella.” shutting my lids I didn’t want to see the disappointment in their faces. They had took me in so many times, Carlisle treated me like his own and my stupid mistake killed his son and my only friend.
“I’m so sorry Dr. Cullen….I didn’t mean- I” I stammered on the words trying to plead for his forgiveness.
“I know son.” Dr. Cullen said quietly while looking down at me. Shoving his hands threw his hair he mumbled a goodbye before him and Bella left out the room, leaving me crying alone in the hospital bed.
~~~
2010
As I sit here at his grave now flash backs of them lowering his gray coffin play back in my mind. I left Forks, Washington right after the funeral. Working odd jobs the whole summer while completing adult high school, as soon as I got my GED I went right in to the marines, where I had been ever since.
That didn’t stop the memories from haunting me every night. I took a life that could never be restored.
I studied the pale gray headstone for a moment before crouching down to touch the letter of his name. “I miss you Jazz.”
It seemed so unreal, bawdy, loud, lovable Jasper was gone. Jasper with his charismatic grin and honey blond hair now laid under six feet of cold dark earth. I knew what I had to do and why I came back, closure. I wanted Bella’s forgiveness, I had taken away her brother, her hero. I knew Carlisle and Esme would never forgive me but there was some hope with Bella. Laying the journal on the head stone I stood giving it one last glance before walking out of the cemetery.
~~~
When the bell hanging above the door of the “Mocha Madness” diner tolled I looked up to meet those familiar chocolate brown eyes. Yet this wasn’t the same Bella who use to bug me and Jasper to let her tag along, she had grown in to a beautiful young lady.
Little Bella all grown up, and damn did she grow up nice.
Her brown hair fell to the lengths of her shoulders as she tucked it behind her ears making her way toward the both I was sitting in. I rose to my feet as she entered, not knowing whether to embrace her or keep my hands at my side.
“Eddie” she said, barely above a whisper. I shook my head slowly before she collapsed in to my arms holding on to my waist. “I missed you so much. I swear each night I worried my self about you.” she tipped her chin up to stare at me through her thick fringe of lashes.
My heart clenched with joy at her words. “Bella it’s good to see you.” against my better judgment I pulled away from her as we both sat in the booth. Reaching in her book bag she pulled out the journal.
“I want to give this back to you Edward.” she began but I stopped her.
“No Bella. For years I have written down everything I wanted to tell your family. Everything I struggled with.” it was still hard for me to get the words out.
Bella leaned over taking my hand in hers, “Edward, we know you struggled with it, we all do but my parents felt like they lost two sons. When your mother passed Carlisle made a promise to her. He felt as if he didn’t fulfill it because you ran instead of trusting us to love you regardless.” Bella tenderly stroked the back of my hand.
“ I don’t remember that night but I know I was drunk. Jasper didn’t even like beer. Bella I- I killed him. that’s not easy to live with.” I admitted to her.
“No it’s not Edward, if you keep harboring it you’ll never be happy.” Bella told me still softly touching me. “We all have moved on. Esme and Carlisle have forgiven you. Just come and see them Edward. I have an engagement party on Saturday.”
“Engagement?” I interrupted. Misinterpreting my response Bella reached for her messenger bag once more pulling out a day planner.
“Yes, to Jacob Black.” I faintly remembered him. He was in a year younger then Bella who was two years younger then me. “Esme has been planning away. I would love to have you come Edward.”
“No I can’t I’m only on leave for a few days.” avoiding eye contact with her. She slowly lowered the day planner back in her book before sitting quietly for a minute.
“Well never mind I guess.” she finally spoke, her voice filled with sadness.
“Look Bella, I only came here to voice my apologize.” picking up the utensils on the table I pretended to be enthralled with them to still evade her gaze. This women who sat before me seemed to do something to my senses, I wanted to touch her, hold her, keep her with me. In a way I felt wrong, like it was a betrayal to Jasper.
“It’s seems you’ve already said it Edward.” tipping her chin up arrogantly the small gesture reminded me of Jasper. I would have laughed in any other circumstances at Bella defiant, feisty attitude.
“Your right Bella, give my regards to Esme and Carlisle please.” standing to leave she gripped the table hard until her knuckles turned white, as if she was stopping herself from asking me to stay. I couldn’t lie and say I didn’t want her to as I stalled a bit. Standing near her shoulder I bent down to place my lips on her forehead, with my nose near her hair line I inhaled her strawberry scent. Clamping my eyes shut I embed this memory in to my head to carry with me on my travels since this would be the last time I came to Forks.
“Good Bye Bella.” I whispered softly against her skin.
“Bye Edward.” with closed eyes she turned away still holding the table. I walked out the diner, pressing the start engine button on my car alarm. Entering the drivers side I got in placed my seat belt on before shooting her one last glance. Our eyes met through the thick glass of the diner before she turned away first.
Hitting reverse I started my drive back in to Port Angles, never to return again.
