Hand Me Down (Complete)

[cnikki]

I had a dream about bits and pieces of this story, but it wasn't as dramatic as it is here.

The title is from a Matchbox 20 song 'Hand Me Down' ( i love love LOVE it).

Right now, it's PG-13 for language and the word 'sex' (though no sexual acts will be described in this story).

Anyway, enjoy reading. message me with comments, concerns, etc. I'll post more soon when i get a chance.

PS. This is not an anti-Kristen Stewart story. I promise.
------------------------
“From what I've seen, you're just one more hand me down. Cause no one's tried to give you what you need. So lay all your troubles down. I am with you now…”

It’s five o’clock in the morning.

The clock is ticking on the wall next to the table as it sounds like a mass of sound every second.

I can’t breathe, but try to take a sip of my coffee.

Small sips. The way I’m feeling right now, big gulps isn’t the answer.

Damn anxiety.

It drives me crazy.

I can’t sleep. My insomnia kicks in full force and all I do is stupid things like Google.

Stupid Google. I loved Google. It answered all of my questions.
Which comes first? The chicken or the egg?
What is a good substitute for eggs when making a cake?


Now it was my enemy. I couldn’t type in Rob Pattinson without her name popping up.

Kristen Stewart.

For the sake of him, I tried not to be that person that was jealous of girl friends.

I mean, he didn’t deny our relationship to her. He would always say, “This is my girlfriend Nikki.”

My best friend Avery blocked certain channels and websites from my computer and TV like it was porn all to try to protect me.

She blocked E! News but not the adult stuff on HBO. I mean, if she’s going to go big, go all out; but I digress…

This one night, I managed to find a picture of Rob and Kristen. It looked old, like back in the
Twilight days (first one). I think her hair is longer now than it was in the picture. And she has a boyfriend, who I’ve met.

And, they weren’t doing anything. They were walking back from a restaurant in the middle of the day.

If this was some sneaky rendezvous, wouldn’t they have been more sneaky? At least sneak out at night?

So what’s the problem?

I’m insecure. Not me not liking my body or anything vain like that.

I don’t think I’m hot stuff, but I think I’m cute enough…

But the cheating…the cheating from 2/3 boyfriends gets me.

How can you trust anyone when you’ve gone through crap like that?

I’m justified in my Googling. Sure.

But I’m not justified in yelling at him. I’m not justified in not trusting in him when he didn’t give me a reason not to.

I'm not justified because all he wanted to do was to heal my broken heart.


Somebody oughta take you in, try to make you love again. Try to make you like the way they feel, when they're under your skin.

I remember his words. I remember that night because it was the most freeing yet complex moment ever: “My fear is hurting you. Not because I’m a bad person because I would never intentionally hurt you. It’s the media. I’m standing next to a girl and we’re getting married. I want to protect you from that. I know you’ve been hurt before and I don’t want to be the person that hurts you again.”

My Googling and lack of trust could mess up we started. I wish, with everything I could go back to the start of when I first met him. That feeling of being carefree and myself around him. It was nice.

Nice and sane.

[cnikki]

OK here's the second part.

please leave me a comments to let me know if i should keep going. my story needs some love <3

------------------
A year to that date was when we first met.

A year and 5 months to be exact.

I was dating a guy from Toronto (home) for two years then. Long distance sucks, especially when one is attending school in LA and working an internship for the semester in New York. We tried to make it work, but like most high school romances, they fizzle because one or both people change.

Anyway, my internship at MTV was a busy one. Even though I was a web intern, I had the opportunity to interview celebs for web exclusives.

Fall 2008 was a crazy broken down into 3 parts: VMAs, 2008 Election and Twilight.

Won’t lie, I wasn’t on the Twilight bandwagon for a while. I heard about them, associated them with vampires and wrote it off. I took it like Harry Potter: as long as it gets the kids reading, go nuts!

Imagine my surprise when I found out that year that there a) was going to be a Twilight movie and b) I was going to interview some of the cast.

Ha. Awesome.

I decided, since MTV was making this a big deal, I should do my research. I read the book (because I didn’t want to be completely lost when I did these interviews) and was warned by my nine year old sister,

“You WILL become addicted.”

Oh Lily…whatever.

But she was right.

Double damn.

And now I was anxious as most Twi-hards to go see this movie, especially since this sexy British actor was playing the lead and looks EXACTLY the way I pictured Edward.

The day I met Robert Pattinson was surprisingly calming. I didn’t throw up anything (maybe because I didn’t eat anything and was living on coffee for the past three days preparing myself for this) and I didn’t become a babbling idiot.

I avoided questions with him that were on our (roommate and I) Pattinson BINGO game (a board, or piece of paper, with the 25 questions asked by interviewers. The first person who gets 5 across, down or diagonal wins…nothing. It’s just a fun game).

We (web interns) even had a chance to eat lunch with him, Ashley Greene and Taylor Lautner.

I remember Cindy messing up the lovely lunch by asking about Kristen Stewart and his rumored relationship.

Bonus irritation: she claimed we were all DYING to know.

False. I didn’t care. I just wanted to look at how sexy he was and now you’ve made him all awkward.

Idiot.

Even so, Rob took everything with grace and charm and just laughed and said no.

I thought that day would be the last day I ever saw him. I was finished. I had my memory on YouTube and portfolio for potential employers to view, but NEVER did I think I would see him again.

Then, one fine night, I was at my friend Sam’s house with Brittany, Avery and her boyfriend Jared.

We, along with a group of other people I didn’t know were engaging in a jam session. Pretty typical evening for the most part with beer, ciggs (except me), and food.

I didn’t imagine anything out of the ordinary until I heard

“Holy crap.”

“What?” I asked wondering why Brit stopped singing.

“Sex god just walked in.”

“Are you on crack? What’s wrong with you? What--?” light bulb moment.

Brit and I always called Rob sex god because he’s so freakin sexy.

I didn’t believe Rob would be there at Sam’s house. I mean sure, we were in LA, but I didn’t think anyone would know HIM.

I blinked a couple of times, gazing into her direction and there he was.

Sex.

Walking sex.

British, walking, sex.

I can’t believe he was in the same living room as I was in. now, I remembered interviewing him, because well, who wouldn’t?

Question was: would he remember me?

[SarahRansom]

Sex.

Walking sex.

British, walking, sex.


Lol, loved this. Describes him perfectly. Love the story sweetie. Keep going!

[cnikki]

Sex.

Walking sex.

British, walking, sex.


Lol, loved this. Describes him perfectly. Love the story sweetie. Keep going!

lol i'm glad you agree!

well,since i have one reply i'll post more

******************
Sam jumped up and gave Rob a man hug. A couple of groupie girls giggled and flocked to wear he was sitting, offering him a beer, ciggs and possibly some sexual favors (hooches).

It was like watching nasty pigeons flocking to bread in Central Park.
I didn't know what to think: “He’s actually freakin here. Out of all the houses, he’s here. Because he’s friends with Sam. And I’m friends with Sam, so Sam should hook me up.”

I glanced in his direction, but so many girls were all over him there was no way to sneak in a smile or a wave.

“Can they just MOVE?” I thought
“He looks uncomfortable.” Brittany said in my ear.
“I know, should I ‘save’ him? Or will I look lame?
“Save him. Or have Sam save him, then we can go outside and ‘talk’ to him. By talk I mean, stare at how gorgeous he is.” Her voice grew more excited by the second.
“Um, babe. You’re engaged.”
“I know, I’m just…oh shit. I’m lusting hardcore.”
“Nah…just admiring God’s creation and thanking Him for the beauty that just walked into the door. That’s all.”
“You make life better.”
“Ha. Thanks.”

I walked to Sam who looked at me and laughed.

“I’ve known this kid for 4 years and girls weren’t like this until he became Edward. Oh shit Nik, you want me to hook you up with him don’t you?”
“No! No! I mean, yes- I mean. No, I didn’t come over here for that.”
“So what’s up?”
“Your friend needs saving from the hoes. It’s a part of the friend code. Grab him away from the disturbing situation by saying he’s needed elsewhere and drag him away. Right now his face looks like he’s going to throw up. Save him, now. Bring him outside into the fresh air.”
“Will you be outside I’m guessing?”
“Possibly. Yes. I need to get away from the hoe air.”
“Oh Nik…so honest,” Sam replied with a laugh. “OK, I’ll bring him outside.”

I walked to grab Brittany and went outside, grabbing a bottle of sprite on the way.
“How’s my hair?” I asked her frantically.
“Really Nik? Really?”
“Don’t judge me. Crap, I’m becoming that girl aren’t I?”
“Yep. Side note, you look fine. Be casual and breathe.”
“Talking to me or you?”
“Both.”

We laughed and started a convo about the past two weeks of Grey’s. Then he (Rob aka sex) walks out with Sam.

“They were like vultures in there.” Rob said uneasy.
Oh sexy British accent; how I love thee. Let me count the ways.
“Right? We call them Hollywood Hoes.” Brittany replied back. Way to make a first impression.
“Really?” Rob chuckled. “That may or may not fit.”
“Yeah, Nik. What do you think?” Sam asked, making the attention on me.
Now I have two choices: be the mean girl or just reply with a no comment.
“Ha, no comment. They’re like that with everyone from what I’ve seen so…” I answered with a laugh.
“Oh, meet my friends, Nikki and Brittany.” Sam said point to both of us.

Rob reached out to shake our hands, Brit first and mine last. His grip was strong. On top of that, he smiled that sexy smile and ran his fingers through his hair.

Brit and I exchanged the “Shit, you are so damn sexy when you do that!” look to each other and let out a giggle.

“What’s funny?” Sam asked with a smirk.
“Oh nothing. Just thought about that episode of family guy we were talking about before ya’ll came out here.” I answered quickly. Good recovery.
“Ya’ll?” Rob joked.
“Yes….ya’ll.” I joked back with a smile.

Born in Texas, I get a lot of crap for the occasional vocab that comes out. Especially from my Toronto and LA friends. I figure the worst I say is ya’ll and not ‘fixin to’ so I’m pullin out ahead.

“Don’t judge me for my accent.” I replied back with a smile.
“No it was just a shocking country accent. ‘Ya’ll’.” Rob said in an American accent and laugh.
“We tease her for that all the time.” Sam added.
“So, Rob, what brings you back to LA?” I heard a girl say.

Stephanie: one of the Hollywood Hoes who wore really bad extensions and bops at different clubs every night of the week to meet different guys. She claims to be an actress but, she hasn’t been in any movies or shows I’ve watched. Whatever.

“Um, I live here?” Rob said, sort of dumbfounded but as politely as he could.
“Oh, yeah. Duh.” Steph replied with a giggle. I gave Sam a ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ look with an eye roll. Sam responded with a chuckle.
“Hey Steph, how are you and Jonathan doing?” Brit asked really loud and too curious.
“Um, oh…um…good? We’re, um…good.”
“Well that’s lovely. Ya’ll are practically living together aren’t you? Ya’ll should just go ahead and get married at this point huh?”

I knew exactly what she was doing and I loved her for it.

After mindless chit chat, people started to trickle out because they wanted to go to out, except Avery and Jared who went back to his place. We decided to go out to a small diner (well, small for LA) and grab a bite to eat. Sam strategically sat me next to Rob in the booth (thank you) and I could feel the butterflies kick in.

“Crap. What if he hears my heart beating? Because it’s pounding like a conga drum right now.” I thought.

Just then I felt my Blackberry vibrate to see a message from Brit:
“Lucky ass,” it read.
I gave her a one sided smile and shrugged.

“I feel like I’ve met you before.” Rob said to me.
Just what I wanted to hear you ask me.

“Um…yeah. I interned for MTV in December and had to interview you.” I said trying to remain calm.
“Oh OK. What happened with that? You were really good.”
“Thanks. It was just school credit. Not anything permanent.”
“You should work there once you finish.”
“Thanks.” I answered with a smile. I could feel myself blushing. I’m a black and you could tell I was blushing.

We ate and continued to talk. Rob asked me random questions about my life, but why did he care? I’m not interesting AT all. But maybe he saw something in me? Maybe?

I hoped for this, and hated it all at once.

[cnikki]

A/N: I don't enjoy studying or finals...so here's goes another post.
___________________________________

*Fast Forward: 6 Months*

Rob and I weren’t dating at this time, but we were. Sort of like friends with benefits but there wasn’t any nookie (hahaha... or was there? )
We were friends, close friends. He revealed so much to me at this point and I still was holding back.

I still carried pain in me. All the hurt from the cheating boyfriends made built this wall between us, and I as much as I wanted to break it down…I couldn’t.

“Somebody oughta take you in; try to make you love again. Try to make you like the way they feel, when they're under your skin…”


I came home from work/internship and prepared for Rob’s return home. No longer would we sleep next to the phone or have to rely on ichat or Skype. He was actually going to be here with me. While getting ready, I turned on the tv and hopped in the shower, wanting to listen to the news.

“COMING UP NEXT ON SHOWBIZ ENTERTAINMENT. DID KRISTEN AND ROB MEET FOR A SECRET DATE LAST NIGHT? FIND OUT NEXT.”

“Are you serious?” I asked turning off the shower and running to change the channel.

I knew about them meeting for dinner with a group of friends. He told me. Yes, I was scared but I wasn’t upset because I felt, why would he call if he was going to cheat on me? And I met Kristen before. We text randomly (about silly stuff mostly) and we’re cordial. She’s assured me, nothing is going on and she knows how much he really cares about me.

I panicked a little (a lot) and called Avery.

Before I spoke, she knew exactly what I was going to say.

“Nikki, you’re freaking out for no reason. You know what this industry’s about. Gossip. You know they create and twist pictures and stories to gain viewers. Didn’t he call you before, text you during and call after dinner? Yes. He’s coming back to you. Don’t punish him for someone else’s mistakes. It’s not fair to him or you.”

“Never once did you think they would lie when they're holding you. You wonder why they haven't called, when they said they'd call you. You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by. You'll start to think you were born blind, from what I've seen….”


“I know. I’m sorry. I just…freaked out. A lot.”

“That boy loves you and I know you love him. You’re just scared of getting hurt. You need to tell him the truth. Tell him about the others so he knows. You can’t keep this wall up forever.”

She was absolutely right.

****

When I heard the doorbell ring I couldn’t help but run like a little kid to greet him. I hugged him tightly as he kissed me passionately before we could get inside.

“Hello love. I should probably come in before the paparazzi catches us,” he said with his beautiful smile.

He walked in, dropped his bags on the floor and I kissed him again.

“We need to eat.” I said in mid kiss.

“I’m hungry…but I’d rather kiss you.” He said with a laugh as he kept kissing me.

“Come on silly. My kisses aren’t going anywhere.” I replied, giving him one last kiss.

I made dinner that night. Chicken stuffed with jalapeño wrapped in bacon, green beans and mashed potatoes. I made sure I had his favorite beer on hand (Corona) and ice cream for dessert.

Things were fine. He talked to me about filming, the crazy fans that sneak on set and how he didn’t do anything 90 percent of the time he wasn’t shooting because he just didn’t feel like being bothered with paparazzi. He told me about his mom making a surprise visit on the set just because and how much she talked about me (and I haven’t even met her!).

When he didn’t tell me about dinner last night, I freaked out. I assumed he was hiding something from me. Like him failing to mention dinner meant he was lying to me about what really happened.

I battled my thoughts, telling myself to calm down. We chat all the time, there’s nothing I didn’t know, or so I thought. And this guy is obviously into me, so why am I freaking out all the time?

But I remember the ex-boyfriend from home. The one who said he loved me so much was also cheating on me for six months with a girl who was a part of our group. People knew and no one said a word, so when I found out, I was livid (understatement).

I made the mistake with relationship two, and thought our long distance could work. He knew (a little) about the first one, and I thought maybe that would make him not cheat, but it didn’t. At least it was a drunken one night type of deal and he admitted he was jealous of everything happening. Still, the pain was there.

I guess it was obvious my mood changed from the time he was home to that moment.

“What’s wrong Nikki?” Rob asked, sitting on my couch and grabbing me with him.
“Nothing, why?”
“Lies.”
“What makes you think I’m lying?” I asked, giving him a small kiss.
“It’s in your eyes. I can tell. Talk to me…please?”
“You scare me.”
“Really? How?”

Here goes. This is it.

“I’m falling for you. Helplessly hopelessly falling for you and that scares the shit out of me.”

He stared at me. I think he wanted me to finish and know why I was scared.

“I don’t want what we have now to be ruined. I want us. I want all of this. I just hope that I’m not living in this fantasy world. I’m scared of being lied to and everyone else knowing the truth. I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t want to be this dramatic girl that’s scared all the time either. I want to know, really know, that you’re serious about me…about us, whatever that is.“

I moved myself to face him but couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

I’m usually not an overdramatic person but with my past relationships, I get a lot uneasy and anxious. It’s gotten so bad that I literally have panic attacks over it. I wanted to take my drama queen moment back because I’m sure that pushed him away.

“Nik- you don’t understand how much I care about you. I get your inability to trust. Your heart’s broken and you can’t take anymore. I get it. Remember Carla? The fact that she cheated and blamed me for it…but that’s not the point. I can’t blame you for what happened because you’re not her. At the same time, I’m not them. I’m not those assholes that broke your heart. I would NEVER do that.”

His eyes were locked on mine. I knew from his body language that he was serious. I knew about Carla, the arguments they had, the cheating, all of it. He was hurt, and didn’t trust anyone for a while. For him to trust me is saying a lot.

“You have to believe me,” he continued. “When I call or text you during dinner, like a few nights ago, I guess I see it as proof, or way for you to know while other people are saying what they want, you know what’s really going on.”

“I know…”

I said quietly. I couldn’t control the tears flowing from my eyes. I knew how right he was. Everyone told me how he really feels; his best friends, costars, etc. I knew.

But for some reason, it didn’t still didn’t click.

[SarahRansom]

If I had Rob telling me that, it'd be clicking!!

Try and study babe. Mine just finished! I didn't study as much as I should have and now I'm madly regretting it!

[cnikki]

If I had Rob telling me that, it'd be clicking!!

Try and study babe. Mine just finished! I didn't study as much as I should have and now I'm madly regretting it!

psssh, i'll study later

and i'm not crazy or over dramatic. if rob told me that...i'd probably do him right then and there (just keeping it real).

I'm posting another part
________________________________________________________

*earlier that night*

For the most part, things were fine. I calmed down a little, ignored tabloids, blogs, paparazzi, etc. Yes, there were pictures floating around of us, but we didn’t care. We were together. Happy.

The constant Skype and iChats bothered me. Not because I didn’t like it, but I wanted to see him. Touch him. Smell him. Taste his kiss. However, I knew his work had him gone for a while and that was fine. When I had a break from school, I would fly to see him, and it was nice. Us, in our own little world.

I believed my heart was beginning to heal.

****
I was online finishing a school assignment. Graduation-- so close, yet so far away.

Anyway, Rob told me about a new movie he was doing, so I decided to Google it and procrastinate longer. Not being able to think of the name of the movie, I typed in ‘Rob Pattinson’ and of course, ‘Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart’ comes up in the auto complete. Fine. I’ve seen it before no biggie.

Pressing return, I see a link:
‘Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart get cozy at club.’

I tried not to click on it, but I couldn’t help. I wanted to know.

‘Don’t do it. Do it. Don’t do it. Do it. Etc.’

I should have listen to my first thought and not do anything.

My heart sank at the pics of them together. It wasn’t them cuddling or anything. They weren’t making out. They were just…together.

I couldn’t breathe. I called Avery and without being able to say anything, she came over as fast as she could.

*****

“Nikki…”
“I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU! WHY DO I TRUST ANYONE? WHY DID I THINK HE WAS DIFFERENT? HE’S NOT! I LET MYSELF FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS!”

I couldn’t help but to scream through the tears. I was just so hurt. How could he do that? He told me he wouldn’t hurt me. He promised to fix my broken heart and he broke it more.

“Nikki,” Avery said again trying to calm me down. “You have to talk to him. Something isn’t adding up. It doesn’t look right. If anything, I think it’s one of those big things that are blown out of proportion. You have a right to be upset, but talk to him. Calmly.”

I heard her talking but I couldn’t comprehend. I tried to calculate what I would say. How could he explain anything?

I had to go. I got up, grabbed my keys and drove. Avery couldn’t even follow behind me to stop me because I was gone so fast.

I have no clue what the speed limit was. I had no idea if there were stop signs, red lights or even other cars on the road. All I know is I wanted an answer. And why he would make promises he couldn’t keep.

What was wrong with me that would make someone cheat on me?

I got to his flat and banged on his door. After 2 minutes (which seemed like hours) the door flung open.

“Nik? Are you OK? I thought you were coming over-?”
“WHY?!?!? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I DON’T GET WHY YOU WOULD LIE TO ME? WHY ROB? WHY?”
While yelling, I was hitting him. Not hard, but hard enough to show I was angry. I couldn’t speak, I was more than hurt.
“What happened? What did I do?” Rob asked, genuinely confused.
“REALLY? REALLY? WERE YOU AND KRISTEN HAPPY LAST NIGHT? GETTING COZY AT SOME CLUB? GO AHEAD AND TRY TO EXPLAIN—“

I couldn’t take it. I collapsed on the couch and kept crying. The combination of being angry and hurt triggered my anxiety and I began to hyperventilate.

Rob ran to give me a paper bag to breathe in but I slapped it out of his hand. He didn’t get a chance to hurt me and love me at the same time. I wouldn’t allow it. After a while, I managed to calm myself down.

I looked at him as he stared at me.

I couldn’t believe I was doing this. If I could take a moment and pause, analyze the situation in that moment, I would have.

“I never want to talk to you again.” I told him in a whisper.

I was angry and I wanted him to hurt like I did. Looking back, I wasn’t fair to him and I knew that. I didn’t give him a chance to explain anything. It was the media, breaking us apart. They were actually winning.

I didn’t mean to say I didn’t want to talk about him again. I love him. I just…I’m so hurt. Maybe the media doesn’t understand what creating stories do to the people involved. It hurts and destroys them. In the end, they get a profit by hurting and damaging relationships.

I grabbed my keys got up and left.

“Nikki, I don’t care what you saw, it’s not true. And I love you.”

I love you too…

But I didn’t say it back. I left him standing there as I walked away.

I wanted to feel a sigh of relief. Like I was a big girl now. I stood up for myself and didn’t want to take crap from anyone.

So why did I feel so numb?

I drove home in silence. Instead of speeding, I felt like I was driving at tortoise speed.

In the middle of driving, I pulled over because I felt sick to my stomach and threw up everything I may or may not have eaten that week. I heard Rob’s ring tone and wanted so bad to answer it but I couldn’t.

How could I?

I walked into my apartment to find Avery still there. I think she wanted to lecture me about my irrational behavior but saw my zombie like state.

“Oh honey…”

I walked into my room and cried.

“He didn’t get a chance to explain; I didn’t let him.” I sobbed.
“Nik-“
“I know. I know. Everything just came out. All the hurt over the years just came out and it came out on him.”
“You guys need to talk about it. You have to explain everything to him.”
“I know…but…”
“But what?”
“I told him I never wanted to speak to him again.”
“Oh…”
“And he told me he loved me when I left…”
“Did you…?”
“No.” I couldn’t help but to cry again. It hurt. I wanted him back…I wanted him to take me back.
__________________________________________________________

A/N: it's almost over or
i've got more ideas up my sleeve. I'll keep everyone posted.

[SarahRansom]

:

[cnikki]

:cry:

:

Don't worry, I have more stories coming up.

i'm working on two now (A Warning Sign) and another untitled.
viewtopic.php?f=33&t=364<<<< (link to A Warning Sign)

[cnikki]

OK here's the second to the last chapter.
don't worry, I have another story up my sleeve.
get excited
____________________________________________________________

When Avery left, I managed to finish up my work and get ready for bed.
I took out my phone to charge it and saw 33 new calls and 54 new messages…all from Rob.

“I love you. Can we talk about this? Please?”
“I love you. Call me please?”
“I love you. Just…call me.”
“We can’t keep doing this to each other. I don’t care what anyone says, I only love you.”

The last message made my heart sink further than it already was.

“I love you, but I can’t keep doing this. Trying to prove to you that you’re the only one I want when you still have this wall built up. I love you. I want to break that wall down for you but I can’t. I just can’t. When you’re ready to break down that wall, call me.”

I dialed his number to call but couldn’t press send. He’s hurt, and it’s my fault.

****
I couldn’t sleep. I went to bed hoping the headache and pain would allow me to sleep but it kept me up. I got on my Mac and messed around on the net for a bit. Then something told me to Google search.

I knew it got me into trouble before, but I couldn’t resist.

“Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Reunite”

I clicked on the link and read what People Magazine had to say.

“Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were seen together again at LA restaurant Dolce. The two talked and dined before being joined by fellow Twilight actress Nikki Reed and a few other friends. ‘Everyone was laughing and chatting. It was definitely a friendly atmosphere. Rob was texting the entire time though, but who knows who it was with,’ says a source. Rob left dinner with some friends at the end of the night and Kristen left with Reed.”


Oh my gosh…
I freaked on him over nothing.
But if he was texting, who was he texting?

Then it clicked:

*yesterday*

“How are you?” Rob asked as I ran to my car. I was running late to a group meeting due to the meeting held at work.
“Crazy hectic. I think I’m gonna go insane if I don’t graduate soon.”
“You’ll be fine. Promise. You’re like superwoman.”
“Ha! I wish. One meeting ran late and now I’m going to be late to another. On top of that, I have to make posters for our dance show and try to practice my solo.”
“Love, you’ve got this. I promise. It will be OK. Can I help?”
“Do you know Illustrator and a Mac?”
“What’s illustrator?”
“Babe, it’s OK. I just wish you were here.”
“Me too.”
“So…sorta sad news.”
“Uh-oh…”
“I’m probably going to be MIA tonight. Like, you know I’ll try to iChat with you…”
“Babe don’t worry. I know your schedule is crazy right now. I love you.”
“Love you too.”

*later that night*

Rob sent me texts all night telling me to stay strong. I got a text from him at 2 in the morning.
‘Hang in there. I love you.’

*Present (time at the start of the story)*

Drinking my third cup of coffee, I decide the best way to let Rob know how I feel is to write him a letter. He needs to know everything. He knew the good, he saw the ugly, and now he needs to know the bad. All of the bad.

I’m ready to break these walls down.

“Rob,

I can’t imagine how I’m going to begin this letter. I love you. You need to know that I love you, with more than my heart.

My heart’s been broken, and you know that, but I don’t know if I ever explained to what extent. I’ve had people lie to me, to my face. I’ve been used and abused. I give my all just for people to play around with. Like I’m just one more hand me down. I built this wall around me, because I don’t want to be hurt anymore so I decided to protect myself, and build up a wall around my heart.
This wall has made me crazy and kept you out, no matter how hard I wanted to pull you in.
I don’t feel like I’m deserving of someone to love me, but I want so much to give love.

The way you’re there for me is amazing. The way you support me and lift me up blows my mind.
When I met you, I didn’t know what we could be. I didn’t know what you could see in me. Why you wanted to sacrifice everything, including your career, but you don’t care. You do it so selflessly.
I love you. I love you more than any words can stand. I know I have to fix what’s going on with me. It’s not you, it’s me. it is me.

I can’t plead for you to take me back as much as I want you to. I can plead for you to forgive me, for every outburst, every psycho moment. I’m working on me in hopes for there to be an us.

However, if you feel that I’ve hurt you too much and we could never be, I just want you to know that I love you. You taught me what real love was.

Love always,
Nikki.

_____________________________________________________________________________
A/N what will happen next? stay tuned for the conclusion (coming soon!)